Dawn Koufakis-Basel
I have an unusual awareness of people and their motives. I learned about boundaries early in life. Boundaries, a concept that was taught but never verbalized by my parents, is the secret to my ability to draw the line and keep myself strong in times of adversity. Boundaries demonstrate how we value ourselves. It is never too late to define your value, protect your soul and live life by your own design.
I am a Creole girl from New Orleans. As a person of mixed race growing up in a segregated environment, I learned to recognize disrespect and signs of bigotry. My parents taught me that I was a person of value. I was never told what I could not do or where I could not go. I learned that people in the world would challenge me. I was molded to meet those challenges so that they would not break me or diminish my value.
After college, I married and lived abroad. I lived in Greece and on the Pacific island of Saipan in the Marianas Islands in my 30s. Living away from my family and culture was a growth experience for me. I had the great privilege of having to adapt to other cultures and people. I had a chance to step outside the world I knew and see for myself that the world is full of opportunities and challenges.
I returned to the US ten years later with two young children and a marriage in ruins. I cried and grieved and taught myself to survive and then thrive in a new life.
I am now remarried; my new husband and I are on a journey that gets better every day. My sons have become men who fill me with pride and joy. I take the challenges life has delivered to me, and I use them to encourage, enlighten, and embolden women. My husband and I facilitate a program that supports men and women in divorce. I have worked as a facilitator of a parenting program with women in prison.
I now focus on coaching women to build strong boundaries that will lead them toward self-empowerment.
Alison W. Smith
I am a tenderhearted, toe-headed girl from Phoenix. I love cooking, laughing, coffee, and live music. I was the youngest of four siblings, learning how to do makeup from my sister and how to punch a punching bag from my brothers. Our home was warm and loving, but I struggled to find my voice. I learned to respect boundaries, but I didn’t know how to set them. And that has cost me in my personal and professional life.
Friends and coworkers have taken advantage of me. I’ve stretched myself so thin that I could barely recognize myself. I said yes when I meant no and struggled with the resentment and anger it caused me. I struggled with perfectionism and even judged myself for having limits. I gave everything to others and had nothing left for myself. I had a serious boundaries problem.
When I saw the consequences of poor boundaries in my life, I started to understand their value. My eyes were opened to how unhealthy I had made my life. And I knew something had to change. I started small—saying no to things that didn’t matter so much—and immediately started reaping the benefits even that small boundary gave me.
I once thought boundaries were selfish and unkind. Now I know that boundaries bring freedom and the opportunity to love my people more deeply and from a place of joy. I’m a mom of two, Camryn and Crosby, and wife to my amazing husband, Scott. These are busy “minivan” days for our family. But with firm boundaries in place, I now live a life of intention and joy. I run after my children. I wipe bottoms and counters (not in that order). And I work as a board-certified life coach running a thriving coaching practice. I get to live my purpose as an instrument of encouragement and love.